There is a well-known saying that a lot of people can agree with… “We are our own worst critic.” I am the type of person who is very hard on myself and I can openly admit that I am my own worst critic. We are all human and whether we are very emotional or very stoic, we have days when we may question different aspects of our life. Some people also refuse to acknowledge that they ever question anything about their lives and claim to have it all together. Which is not true. If this was the case, no one would learn and grow. Some may question their careers, living situation, financial situation, relationship/relationship status, and goals, just to name a few. From these topics we may start to ask ourselves, “Am I doing enough? Is this where I want to be? How did I get here? Am I happy? Why are things happening for others and not me? Am I good enough?” These questions and thoughts could lead to more and eventually end up making us begin to doubt our abilities and ourselves. From time to time, as women, we try to do so much, get so stressed out trying to handle it all, that we begin to feel like we are doing so much for others and not enough for us. Then we beat ourselves up for not doing for us and this could eventually lead to asking whether or not we are even worth doing for ourselves because we have no time, energy, or mind space. If you can agree with any of the above or know someone who can, I introduce you to self-doubt.
Self- doubt, according to Webster-Merriam and FreeDictionary.com respectively, is “a feeling of doubt about one's own abilities or actions. A lack of faith or confidence in oneself; lack of confidence in one's own motives, ability, etc.” Self-Doubt can have two affects on a person. It can drive them to perform better and grow because they know they can do better or it can bring a person down and make them stagnant or even lead to depression and feeling inadequate. The later is believed to happen more. I will be the first to admit that I have experience both and even let it control me to the point of not perusing goals, standing up for myself and what I believe, and to even staying in relationships or friendships a lot longer than I know I should have. My own self-doubt led me to put on my dream of this website on hold for over 7 years! I have another blog (or vlog – which is a video or recorded blog) that will go into more details of that.
There are 8 tips that I used to help me overcome self-doubt and even deal with it head on when it rears its ugly face again. Oh yes, self-doubt will pop up again and again throughout your life and if you do these tips, you can put self-doubt back in its place and show it who is stronger… YOU!
8 Tips to Overcoming Self-Doubt
They are in the form of “I” statements for a reason. We have to ingrain it in our brains that “I” can do something. “I” statements allow us to begin taking the responsibility for our growth and ourselves. So I am helping you take the first step in your process! Remember we take this journey together!
1. I must recognize and admit that I’m actually doubting myself!
Once you can catch that you are doing it, you can redirect yourself to get away from it. You cannot grow and/or change if you stay in denial.
2. I will start my day with positive affirmations.
This helps to gear your mind in a positive and encouraged direction from the start of each day. You can repeat these throughout the day, as needed, especially when unpleasant situations arise.
** Remind yourself each morning by looking in the mirror and saying this out loud, “HE MADE ME IN HIS OWN IMAGE AND I AM WORTH IT!” Yes, you are worth it!
3. I will change my surroundings and the people I hang around.
You have to be cautious and beware of naysayers! If you are trying to move in a positive direction and upward growth, you cannot continue to spend a vast majority of your time with people who want to belittle you and keep you in a place and space you know you do not need to be. The people you hang around should also want to see you improve and they should want to grow as well. There is a saying my husband use to say, “If you can’t change the people you hang around, change the people you hang around.” At first it didn’t makes sense but when I finally understood what it meant, it was like a light bulb lit up. If you cannot make a positive impact on the people you hang around or if they can’t do that for you, then change the people you hang around. Pointblank period. AND know this is ok to do.
4. I will begin the process of not comparing myself to others.
Oh, this one right here was probably one of the HARDEST ones for me! I am not sure if you can relate to this but I would look at others and ask why do they have so much and not me, what is it that I am not doing that they are because everything seems to be going right, or why does it seem to come so easy for them and not me? Comparing yourself to others makes you feel even more inadequate and ultimately makes you stagnant. You begin to find more faults and make more excuses. You will give up or not go after whatever your heart desires with that extra oomph. Please, please, please remember that you do not always know the full story of what it took for them to be where they are and even if you think you do, their success is not your success. My pastor once said, “God will give it to you when you’re ready for it. You see if you got it too early, you wouldn’t know how to appreciate it or keep it.” All in all, compare YOU to YOU!
5. I will Remove, Relax, and Regroup.
When you have those “off” days, it is ok to take the time to remove yourself from situations. If it is at home, with friends, even at work, it is ok to take a breather from whatever it is. Go to the bathroom, walk outside, take a different route home, but remove yourself from wherever you are that is throwing you off. Use this time to relax, whether it be a few deep breathes, a moment to meditate, take a jog, see a movie, listen to music, or whatever. Make sure it relaxes you and takes your mind off of whatever is throwing you off. Then, regroup and go tackle it head on. With a refreshed mind you can complete the task, face the person, knock out your goal, push yourself a little further, etc. Just do not take days and days off. Let your “remove and relax” time period be for that moment. Remember the longer you take, the harder it is to get back on track and “regroup”.
6. I will read and/or listen to positive material each day.
While I am taking a shower, I will play a positive message from an audiobook or podcast, or listen to uplifting music. There are daily passages you can read in apps and tons of books that have daily passages or devotionals that you read each day. Play it in your car as your drive to work, drop your children off at school, etc. You need to feed your mind and spirit with as much positivity that you can. I even suggest talking to someone on a professional level. There are a lot of cultures that think negatively on speaking to therapists or counselors but please know that they are there for unbiased feedback. You also speak to them about the positivity in your life. Some people only believe the professionals are there to help with negative issues. There could be a bigger rooted cause for your self-doubt and once it is addressed, this could catapult your growth process.
7. I will reward myself for my accomplishments.
You have to reward yourself for making strides. Set a goal, start small, go for it, accomplish it, and give yourself a reward! For example, you can say for 2 weeks I will go to the gym 3 times a week. Once you have done that, celebrate yourself. It doesn’t have to always be a reward that costs money. It can be a spa day, some ice-cream, sleeping in on your day off, a new pair of shoes, going to a movie, a pat on the back, a girls day out, etc. Whatever you like to do.
You have to also realize that if you do not accomplish something, failing does not make you a failure. You grow and learn from failing. DO NOT beat yourself up. If you do, this starts the cycle of self-doubt all over again. Failing or setbacks are a part of life and you should use them to help make corrections, strive for better, and actually learn better skills to master it next time. Think about all of the inventors or successful people in general. They did not create those inventions on the first try and they did not become successful immediately without any failures or setbacks. So don’t quit and FORGIVE yourself.
8. I will have Faith with Action!
As the Bible states, “faith is the substance [assurance] of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Did you know that doubt is the opposite of faith? Have faith and believe that God, or the higher being that you believe in, will bless you. Have faith in yourself that you can do what you are striving for. Faith gives you strength and courage to continue in the good and the bad.
It takes more than just faith, hope, and believing. It takes action, work, and power. It also states in the Bible that, “…faith without works is dead….” (James 2:26). If you do not put in the work, the action, and the power, then you cannot create the change and the improvement you seek. Not to get overly spiritual but I do believe that all that I have been through and overcome has been a result of my faith and works, along with the support of others who want to see me become better and grow. There is something about this belief and faith that is indescribable and it gives you a power to dig deep and allow you to pull out strength that you never knew you had, to be able endure what you never thought you could.
Overcoming self-doubt will not happen overnight; it may not even happen in a month or a year. It all depends on you and the stick-to-it-ness that you have. It depends on your consistency and your support system. It depends on how bad you want change and to better yourself, not only for your family, children, and friends but also for YOU. It depends on how tired you are of being tired and not accomplishing what you want (no matter how big or small). You have to have more faith than fear!
Today is the day you begin to overcome the mental immobility of self-doubt. Today is the day that you begin your journey by taking small steps and increasing them as you grow. Today is the day that you begin to believe and have faith that you can do it and that you are worth it… because YOU CAN and YOU ARE!
